Currently Listening Jesus Christ Superstar (Original London Concept Recording) By Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice Simon Zealots / Poor Jerusalem see related

I guess its starting to look like I really am the power hungry person you seemed to think I was.

I hate that everything is out my hands now.  That one horrific moment can so completely impact and change your life in such a drastic way.  Maybe I'm over-reacting and over-analyzing as you seem to think I am.  But there is a palpable disconnection in our relationship.  You may not see it, but like you said, you are in a separate world right now; a world that does not involve me, or any of us really.  You're living in your own personal hell trying to sort out and deal with what you saw.  I know I personally would be horrified, and would probably also become very introverted, minus my sobbing to you and my mother about how I felt, because I personally would drive myself crazy with emotion.

And now everything is different.  I understand why you are the way you are at the moment. BELIEVE ME, I do.  Understanding and liking it, however, are two completely different things.  As I have told you, it is really difficult for me right now.  I just want to be here for you and I wish that your way of dealing with this would be the same way I would deal with it.  I wish you would be able to come to me and talk to me and let me try to help you through this, because we truly can get through anything together.  Please remember that I am here through thick and thin, and although it gets difficult for me emotionally sometimes, I don't want to go anywhere.  You're stuck with me until the day that you pull the plug.  I love you you more than anything, and I want to be able to give you the space and time you need.

But I'm selfish.  And I want things to be the way they were now.  I want happy.  I want joking.  I want to feel the love.  I want that overwhelming feeling of knowing that this is everything I could ever want and need.  But right now I'm insecure again, because I guess I am mistaking your introvertedness as a lack of love and caring. 

I sound like such an unsupportive and heartless girlfriend right now.  I guess I just feel like a slightly neglected one right now, and once again, I UNDERSTAND why.  I'm just going to be here if and when you're ready to talk, and try to support you the best I can right now.  I'll try my hardest to just let you have the time you need.  I love you more than I could ever possibly say, and I just want everything with you to be okay.  And I know it will be okay again someday.  And until then, know that there is nothing that will make me stop loving you, and I will always be here.

(and if you ever leave me...i will find you  )